Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Ode to Team Moms

Give out a shout
and raise up your glass
For all the team moms
Who serve with such class.

They attend all the meetings
And collect the team fees
Prepare the team roster
And maintain equipment keys.

They come up with a sponsor
And order a team banner
Maintain the team website
In an orderly manner.

They pick up the uniforms
And run the fund raiser
Organize the picture day
like a political campaigner.

They attend every practice
And keep score at the game
Find time to do snack bar
And hope it won’t rain.

The host the team party
And order the trophies
Get a gift for the coaches
Then closing ceremonies.

They’re spouses won’t see them
Until the end of the league
Then they’ll collapse in a heap
From the battlefield fatigue. 

So please take a moment
When she’s too tired to stand
To drop what you’re doing
And give your team mom a hand.  

--Ken Ferguson--
Artista di Parole

Happy Birthday to "Hagrid" from the Harry Potter movies, aka "Robbie Coltrane" who turns 66 today.
My son Brian asked me to write a short story for his blog, "The Baseball Fans" so this is what I came up with. You can visit Brian's blog at 

For the Love of Baseball

As I walk through the park I detect a change in the air.  There’s a familiar electricity in the park that I can’t quite put my finger on.  Winter seems to have turned the page and given way to spring, with clear skies and warmer weather.  But there is something else, like a disturbance in the force, that has drawn my attention.

As I turn a corner in the park I discover a group of children in the middle of a baseball diamond gathered around an adult.  Each child is about eight years old, wearing matching T-shirts and caps with matching logos.  Blue jeans and tennis shoes generally round out their uniforms, but I do see a couple of pairs of pinstripe baseball pants.   Nine of the children grab baseball gloves and run out to various positions on the field.  Adults are gathered along the fence or sitting in beach chairs under Easy Ups, surrounded by ice chests and athletic bags. 

It’s baseball season!! 

As I draw closer, I begin to hear the sounds of the game:  baseball bats thrown into a pile, cow hide ball hitting leather glove, and parents yelling encouragement to their young players.  The familiar crack of the bat sends the players into motion, except for the young child in right field who has dropped his glove and is turning summersaults in the grass. When play has stopped, the coach offers encouragement and pointers to each of the players on the field.

I take a seat in the metal stands along the third base line and my mind wonders back to my memories of baseball.  I never played organized baseball, based in part on my parent’s inability to pay the necessary fees and (more importantly) my lack of any discernable baseball talent.  Oh I played over-the-line and three flies up as a child in the school yard across the street, but I never put on a pair of baseball spikes or the dreaded baseball cup. I did discover the joy of running in the outfield to track down a high fly in the gap with a dazzling over-the-shoulder catch.  Well once or twice anyway. 

No, the bulk of my baseball memories are from the standpoint of an observer or fan.  My earliest memories involve sitting with my dad in our living room watching our beloved Minnesota Twins with Harmon Killebrew and Tony Oliva play the hated New York Yankees and Roger Maris and Mickey Mantle.  The “Game of the Week” was always shown on our black and white television on Saturday afternoon with Curt Gowdy and Pee Wee Reese announcing the game. 

More recently, I remember seeing the Dodger’s Kirk Gibson hit his now famous homerun in the 1988 World Series against Dennis Eckersley and the Oakland A’s. Watching Gibson pump his fists as he made his agonizing trip around the bases to the call of Hall of Fame broadcaster Vin Scully. 
And nothing can replace the memories of Tuesdays and Saturdays at the park watching two of my sons play Little League baseball.  Priceless!!

So a new baseball season is about to start with new memories to be made.  Every team starts out with high hopes and the desire to “win it all.” Each fan has high expectations for the home team. There will be winners and there will be losers.  It’s a love-hate relationship, baseball, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Play ball!!

The State of Georgia legislature recently passed a "religious freedom" bill.  Disney threatened to pull out it's film crews on current projects in the state.  The governor vetoed the bill, for purely financial reasons I'm sure, but veto it he did. 

Sunday, March 27, 2016

An Easter to Remember

The rented Easter bunny is finally gone,
After leaving his Easter shit all over my lawn.
Half eaten chocolate bunnies and broken plastic eggs,
Empty wine bottles and leaky beer kegs.

The bunny scared Kaley and Jordan to death,
Sending them running like they were on meth.
He pawed my wife’s ass like he thought it was his own,
What pissed me off more was she let out a moan.

I punched that damn bunny right square in the face,
While the kids had their heads down extolling god’s grace.
It dented his costume and bloodied his nose,
Then I chased him down the drive with front garden hose.

So my kid’s Easter party was really a bust,
Especially when the cops came and put me in cuffs.
I learned from a neighbor when I got home from jail,
My family had left with that damn cottontail. 

--Ken Ferguson--
Artista di Parole