Thought Provoking Open Letter

Dear Martha and Abigail,

In the spring of 2013, I was spending a rare night out with some friends, including a friend of a friend that I'd never met before. I had been drinking and we had flirted, and even kissed, earlier that night. But when I went off to sleep in the spare bedroom of the apartment we were in and he, also a guest, asked if I wanted a "cuddle buddy," I responded with what I believed to be a clear and vocal "no."

When, a while later, I was woken up by him crawling into bed next to me, I again said "no." And when he started choking me, I struggled, showing "no" through my behavior. As young women, we are taught that there is power inherent in the word no.

Unfortunately, in my case, saying no didn't work.

After that night, I continued to use the word no. I said no to telling our parents, or you, what had happened. I said no to filing a police report or talking to a therapist about it. I said no to any and all opportunities for support or justice.

Turns out, it doesn't matter how many hours you've spent binge watching Law & Order: SVU, going to the cops is terrifying. Almost as terrifying, I discovered, as living with the pain of sexual assault and not telling anyone.

You see, this wasn't the first time that I was assaulted, but it was the first time that I was confident, in that moment, that what was happening was wrong. Sometimes, I feel guilty for not going the legal route. Maybe I could have won? Maybe this time, I could have at least scared him into not doing anything like that ever again?

At the time, the hardship on my life -- getting poked and prodded, reliving that night over and over in what I imagined to be a cold, damp interrogation room, the court appearances, and the stigma that comes with being the girl who was sexually assaulted, seemed to not validate prosecution given the high likelyhood that my attacker would be found "not guilty" anyway.

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The letter goes on and can be finished here:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/pippa-biddle/dear-sisters-i-was-sexual-assault_b_6154190.html

The trauma felt by a sexual assault victim was never covered in the police academy.  I took many rape and sexual assault reports in my career, and while I tried to always be cognizant of the victim's feelings, I never knew it went this deep. 

The author states nearly one in five women are victims of sexual assault.  According to RAINN, the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network, every 2 minutes another American is sexually assaulted, over 230,00 victims a year.  60% of sexual assault victims never report the incident to law enforcement. www.rainn.org/statistics.  How sad.