History will be made today in the Land of Lincoln when Illinois Governor Pat Quinn signs into law a bill allowing same-sex couples to get married.To help separate fact from fiction, here's a helpful guide you can slice off of your monitor with a penknife and keep handy in your wallet for present and future reference.

Claim: Before the ink is dry, waves of locusts will swarm the entire state and make life a living hell.
BillyFact Rates This Claim: False. Locusts always wait until after the ink is dry. Then you're screwed.

Claim: Gay couples can't get married immediately after the law is signed.
BillyFact Rates This Claim: True. The law actually takes effect next June for a very good reason: Because.

True!!!
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Claim: There's no way to prevent the sky from falling when the law takes effect.
BillyFact Rates This Claim: False. An elaborate system of hydraulics (with backups) will keep this from happening, and each unit is controlled separately to prevent systemic failure. Some sections of the sky may sag during scheduled maintenance, but this is temporary and such work will only be done at night.

Claim: The National Organization for Marriage (NOM) is fully prepared to flood the state with millions of dollars to get the law repealed and restore heterosexual values to Illinois.
BillyFact Rates This Claim: False. Their latest tax returns show that NOM is nearly 3 million dollars in the red. They can't even bring heterosexual values to a cup of coffee anymore.

Claim: It's okay to laugh at the incompetence and disarray at NOM.
BillyFact Rates This Claim: True.

Claim: Gay marriage means kissing, and kissing increases the risk of cooties.
BillyFact Rates This Claim: True. But cooties vaccinations are now covered under the Affordable Care Act. Details at healthcare.gov/cooties.

Claim: Catholic Bishop Thomas Paprocki is going to spend today conducting an exorcism that will cleanse the state of "evil" homosexual demons.
BillyFact Rates This Claim: False. Catholic Bishop Thomas Paprocki is going to spend today being a whiny 12th-century asshole.